so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The power of my boobs compel you
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
