i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
