After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
