so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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