question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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