you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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