I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
