We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
