Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
