I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
