I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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