ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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