Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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