I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
