he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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