last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
