so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
