i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
