oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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