the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
