Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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