watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
