i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize