I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
