But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
