He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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