That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
