Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
