Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
