I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
