And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
