Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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