When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
