I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
