So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
