all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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