in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
