I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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