he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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