why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
