I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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