just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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