I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
