I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
what day is it and did you see me today?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
