i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
