so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize