she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
