I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
