WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
