Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize