the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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