What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
