It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize