I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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