He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
