Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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