so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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