Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
