OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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