Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
