So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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