I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
