wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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