He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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