this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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