What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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