Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
BRING THE BAGELS
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
