i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
