i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
