I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
