ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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