She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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