so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
