I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
