I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
