Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
