I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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