some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
