we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I puked a lego.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
