barbara walters just said penis...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
