You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
