oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
