Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
