I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
