you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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