Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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