ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
