Kiss
Puke
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize