my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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