There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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