I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
