I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize