I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize