bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
