Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
