Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
