Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Less talking, more tequila
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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