Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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