OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
