I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
